Agony Aunt: Dear Holly, Do you think Michael Gove will have some useful tips on how to fuck-up an education system? yours, Toby Young
"I’ll be extending Freshers Week to a whole month, slashing prices on snakebite in the Students Union and doing everything I can to encourage chlamydia."
This is a big step for me: betrothing myself to a person who, in some lights, resembles a furry baked bean.
I AM going through hell being preggers and puking my guts all day long, while that Kim Kardashian gets to lounge around drinking Cristal.
NOEL Edmonds came to see me backstage after an S-Club gig and told me I could be young forever.
WHEN I grow up I am going to get married to myself.
In the reception class there are several girls called Daenerys, two boys called Eleven and a boy called Soprano.
"When I said 'meep', I meant 'let's formally investigate this issue and use our findings as an evidence base on which the British public can make an informed, reasoned decision.'"
"Donald Jr has a good heart but he is weak, and stupid, and this is life and death."
Dear Holly, I've decided I can't be arsed being royal anymore. I'd much rather live life as a lowly pleb in a tiny house with a rubbish car and a dreadful job. Harry, Windsor
WHEN I grow up I'm going to get some plastic surgery and wear loads of make-up.
ALL the adults are too busy posting socialist memes on Facebook.
WHOEVER invented work and school was a complete idiot.
- Ask Holly: How can I cheer myself up after such flabby orange ghastliness?
- Agony Aunt: Dear Boris, Under no circumstances should you call someone a 'fannybadger'
- Ask Holly: World leaders are working their sorry asses off to impress me
- Ask Holly: Some people gave me a can of fizzy pop and now everyone is cross