Agony Aunt

WHEN I was little, we had a German au pair called Valborga and she was 17.

SORRY to hear your new boyfriend has such a silly name.

I BLAME your parents for ruining your life.

DARKNESS consumes the earth.

WE'VE got a lovely little school rabbit called Nibbles who eats vegetables and does tiny poos everywhere.

A LONG time ago, before the internet was invented, people were ruled over by an evil dictator called Noel Edmonds,

WE DO baking at school but are not allowed to use sugar, or wheat, or milk.

WHAT you really need is a dead cat to look at.

THERE is no room in this country because the celebrities are taking it all up.

MY own resolution is to master the Force.