Arts & Entertainment

THE decision not to give Ed Sheeran a music award could be the dawning of a new age of human sanity, scientists have confirmed.

MILTON Keynes has been advised its European Capital of Culture bid would be unsuccessful even if Britain stayed in the EU and paid £350m a day.

FORMER Smiths frontman Morrissey has released a charity single raising funds for utter bastards.

A FATHER-OF-TWO has performed the entire solo from Guns N’ Roses’ November Rain while driving his children to school, they have confirmed.

THE makers of Imodium have released a heartwarming Christmas advert featuring a monster with chronic diarrhoea.

A PROMOTIONAL festive lorry full of Special Brew and Brew-related gifts is touring the UK.

AN OBSESSIVE Call of Duty player claims the real war is fending off the women who want to snatch him from his gaming chair.

A PLAY has been ruined after the cast repeatedly broke into song, it has emerged.

A MAN is feeling proud of himself after removing House of Cards from his Netflix ‘to watch’ list.

BAKE-OFF judge Prue Leith has accidentally tweeted conclusive proof that God is dead and you are going to burn in Hell forever.