Arts & Entertainment

THE winner of this year’s Apprentice will fill in Lord Sugar’s job applications while he watches daytime TV, the BBC has admitted.

MIKE Read has been denounced by UKIP supporters old enough to remember Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

A MAN who was trapped in a Waterstones has had an idea for a novel.

GAMERS are wildly pushing everyone’s buttons to unlock new powers to beat their critics, they have confirmed.

CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.

BBC SOAP EastEnders has introduced a new family who all support UKIP.

PHARRELL has watched at least ten hours of BBC output a day since 1982, he has revealed.

MARY Berry last night declared herself the winner of The Great British Bake-Off.

UKIP is to use its election war chest to produce a Star Trek film about the failure of galactic multi-culturalism.

MOST people claiming to have seen the original Twin Peaks series are not telling the truth, it has emerged.