Arts & Entertainment

BBC To Replace Moyles With Six Month-Old Baby

THE Radio One breakfast show is to be hosted by a six month old baby, the BBC has confirmed.

Pope Congratulates Infected Porn Stars

POPE Benedict XVI has congratulated porn stars infected with HIV for their principled refusal to wear condoms.

Banksy Simpson Credits Force The Man To Surrender

THE Man surrendered last night after glimpsing Banksy's opening credits sequence for The Simpsons.

Apprentice Inspires New Generation To Become Vile

THE new series of The Apprentice is inspiring a new generation to become grasping, money-obsessed little turds, the BBC has claimed.

Kyle Hit By Monkey Faeces

MONKEY trainer Jeremy Kyle was left shaken last night after one of his creatures struck him on the head with a handful of fresh droppings.

BBC May Be Forced To Shoot Chris Moyles

THE BBC has warned that if Chris Moyles keeps coming to work, they may be forced to shoot him.

ITV Launch 'You've Been A Shit'

ITV is to refresh its Saturday night schedules with the motiveless abuse show You've Been A Shit.

Film Of Video Game To Be Adapted Into Video Game And Then Back Into Film

THE film of the console game Resident Sewage 43: Crapocalypse is to be adapted back into a console game and then back into a film and so on until the ending of the world, it has been confirmed.

Pope Promises Live Witch-Burning

POPE Benedict XVI has promised his UK tour will feature the live on-stage incineration of those who consort with demons.

CNN To Replace Larry King With A Prick

CNN is to replace its veteran talk show host Larry King with some fat faced prick it dragged in off the streets.