Arts & Entertainment

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were badly shaken last night after their car was attacked by masked thugs, violently opposed to the Royal Variety Performance.

IN a last minute change, CNN has ditched trainee journalist Piers Morgan in favour of Bruce Forsyth.

THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county's residents using pictures of things they recognise.

SIMON Cowell will last as long as the universe contains beings with television sets and money, it was confirmed yesterday.

POP music all sounds the same these days, the singer of Goodbye Candle in the Road claimed last night.

THE Radio One breakfast show is to be hosted by a six month old baby, the BBC has confirmed.

POPE Benedict XVI has congratulated porn stars infected with HIV for their principled refusal to wear condoms.

THE Man surrendered last night after glimpsing Banksy's opening credits sequence for The Simpsons.

THE new series of The Apprentice is inspiring a new generation to become grasping, money-obsessed little turds, the BBC has claimed.

MONKEY trainer Jeremy Kyle was left shaken last night after one of his creatures struck him on the head with a handful of fresh droppings.