Arts & Entertainment

BIG Brother was brought quietly to a close last night as the entire production team decided to do something else with their lives.

SURLY actor Christopher Eccleston has claimed he was the star of Doctor Who.

THE new A-Team film is to carry a warning advising white men in their 30s not to impersonate B.A. Baracus.

HUNDREDS of desperate pub bands could be created in the wave of impending Bon Jovi gigs, experts have warned.

TIGHT Fit are to revive their 1982 concept  album The Lion Sleeps Tonight with a series of spectacular stage shows.

BONO has cancelled his appearance at Glastonbury forcing organisers into a last minute hunt for some other twat.

A GROUP of music 'experts' were last night being assessed by psychologists after Lily Allen won three awards for song writing.

MILLIONS of pop fans were in shock yesterday as the re-release of Three Lions killed music like a dog in the street.

DOCTOR Who fans across Britain are facing the prospect of leaving their homes and talking to other people.

BROADCASTERS have been flooded by complaints from viewers unable to stop imagining Delia Smith and Heston Blumenthal going at it.