Arts & Entertainment

THIS year's television schedules will focus on staring blankly at the immensely fat, it has been confirmed.

THE BBC last night said it had no regrets after placing veteran film-maker David Cronenberg in charge of Eastenders over the festive period.

POPE Benedict will somehow manage to crowbar Jesus into the airport chaos story when he delivers tomorrow's Thought for the Day on Radio Four.

CONSOLE giant Nintendo's new game will encourage families to interact in a massive Christmas fight.

SALES executive Tom Logan is genuinely looking forward to seeing Tron: Legacy, it emerged last night.

ITV has been bombarded by angry viewers demanding to know why they were not allowed to see Christine Aguilera's holiest of holies.

PINK Floyd legend Dave Gilmour is to explore his son's defilement of the cenotaph with a rock opera that will last for about two days.

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were badly shaken last night after their car was attacked by masked thugs, violently opposed to the Royal Variety Performance.

IN a last minute change, CNN has ditched trainee journalist Piers Morgan in favour of Bruce Forsyth.

THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county's residents using pictures of things they recognise.