Arts & Entertainment

A Christmas Carol adapted by the BBC to represent 'both sides'

A NEW adaption of the Dickens classic will dispense with the woke socialist values of the original and offer a balanced view on hoarding wealth.

Six Christmas movies to remind you that you’ve failed in life and love

WATCHING feel-good films that remind you how badly your life is going is a Christmas tradition. Here are some favourites to make you miserable.

Showing Cannibal Holocaust on Christmas day 'a mistake' admits BBC

THE BBC has issued an apology for broadcasting the controversial video nasty Cannibal Holocaust as part of its Christmas Day offerings.

How will you get your fill of blandness and tedium when Coldplay stop recording?

IN devastating news for lovers of the nondescript and the homoeopathically dilute, Coldplay will stop recording in 2025. So how to replicate listening to Chris Martin and the other ones?

Man hopes new Matrix film doesn't ruin original trilogy, two-thirds of which was shit

A MAN hopes the new Matrix film does not ruin the original trilogy, only one-third of which is any good.

How to write a f**king terrible Christmas song

WRITE a Christmas hit and you’ll never have to work again. Just follow these tried-and-tested steps.

Princess Peach, and other video game characters that you weirdly fancied

DESPITE them being made up of about 40 pixels, your hormone-addled, adolescent brain somehow found a way to fancy these characters from 90s video games:

Six films that would have been terrible if the hero was you

ARE you a bit of a coward, or perhaps just fond of your home comforts? Here’s how some classic films would have turned out badly if the protagonist had been you.

The six Countryfile presenters you would leave your marriage and kids for right now

COUNTRYFILE pretends to be a gentle look at rural life, but its presenters who are intoxicating temptations you’d run away with tomorrow. These are its most enchanting prospects.

'Love Actually celebrates stalking': how to ruin Christmas films with your tedious woke opinions

WANT to ruin someone’s favourite Christmas film by making them feel crap about enjoying it? Share these opinions.