Business

SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.

THE increase in the bank levy could force senior bankers to cut back on luxury ball-fluffing, it has emerged.

BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.

PURVEYORS of miracle health tonics and herbal hair loss remedies have compared Oldham to a 21st Century gold rush.

BRITAIN was well on the road to economic recovery today after the government made everything less affordable.

BRITAIN'S workers have long since stopped doing anything remotely productive, it emerged last night.

THE iconic Machin Head portrait of the Queen could be replaced on stamps by Katie Price's steam-cleaned vagina if some foreigners buy the Post Office, it has been confirmed.

AS FREEZING weather and icy roads threatened to leave Britain without Christmas presents, people across the country insisted it didn't matter in a series of putrid, stinking lies.

THE latest fashions are trendier than ever and look set to be the in-thing, experts have confirmed.

A BOOMING rental sector means that letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain's leading parasitical scumbags for the first time since 2011.