Business

TRAGIC pop accident Jedward is to be eaten in a bap as part of a special offer meal deal at Subway.

AFTER a lengthy period of product development, Happiness hit the shelves of major stores today, priced £12.99.

FURNITURE giant Ikea is using memory-wiping gas to make customers forget how awful their visit has been, it was claimed yesterday.

THE new Xbox allows gamers to reclaim their lives by playing itself, it was revealed last night.

BP executives are today standing on the Louisiana shoreline, looking at each other with furrowed brows and occasionally skimming a pebble across the oily water, it has been confirmed.

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco claims to have solved the problem of late shoppers by letting Minotaurs loose at 9.50pm.

TRAVEL operator Thomas Cook was last night forced to offer up Jamie and Louise Redknapp to an angry volcano god.

THE soaring number of office workers who choose to die at their desks is costing the UK economy £2.6bn a year, according to a new report.

SALES of the British-built L115A3 long-range sniper rifle have risen by almost 250% in a single week, it emerged last night.

TORY donor Lord Ashcroft has abandoned his plans to buy Britain and is now switching his attention to Belgium, it was confirmed last night.