Business

FERVENT anti-royalists planning to burn effigies of William and Kate have been warned against making their own bootleg figurines.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne has released an utterly irresistible sofa in fawn leather with matching corner group.

BRITAIN'S mobile phone users could save hundreds of pounds by babbling shite at a calculator instead, say researchers.

A PROPOSED shake-up of the UK banking system is to make it look as if someone is doing something about it.

COCA-Cola has left the door open for Pepsi to corner the soft drinks market for sweary whore-mongers.

MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.

OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.

PEOPLE who own private jets will face higher taxes in a bid to make the system fairer for people who just rent them.

WORLD'S worst banker Fred Goodwin hosts money orgies where he has intercourse with a series of life-size papier maché figures made from £20 notes.