Celebrity

LORD God Almighty has filed a £6m lawsuit against inflatable glamour model Jordan for bringing his name into disrepute.

A PROFESSIONAL footballer did it with some dolly bird, it has been confirmed.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger knew his marriage was doomed shortly after the birth of a three-stone baby carrying a sawn-off shotgun.

A THOUSAND years of British legal history has reached its summit in a decision on the privacy of a woman's fandango.

PRINCE Philip will be allowed into Ireland today on condition he calls them all 'Micks' no more than eight times during the four day visit.

RESEARCHERS are to launch a fresh study into what Keith Allen is for.

THE microbes present in TV chef Jamie Oliver's restaurant kitchens are cool and laid-back, it was claimed last night.

GENTLEMAN footballer Ryan Giggs has left his wife for softly-spoken Downton Abbey star Hugh Bonneville.

THE Catholic Church last night beatified Ringo Starr by mistake.

BRITAIN has been inspired and energised by the joining together of Pippa Middleton's left and right buttocks.