Celebrity

I Have Feet, Says Ricky Martin

POP star Ricky Martin has ended years of speculation by confirming that he has a foot at the end of each of his legs.

Pete Doherty Made Of Crack, Say Police

BOHEMIAN not-singer Pete Doherty is now 98% pure crack cocaine, according to police.

Men Still Trying To Fancy Lady Gaga

MEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night.

Jackson Estate Won't Spend It All On Giraffes This Time

THE estate of Michael Jackson has signed a record breaking contract and vowed not to spend it all on funfairs, hush money and giraffes.

Sugababes 'Date Back To Henry Viii'

AN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night.

Sale Of Clooney Villa 'Like A Bereavement', Say Men

GEORGE Clooney's decision to sell his lakefront Italian villa is like the death of a close friend, men said last night.

Cheryl Plans Ghastly, Nouveau Riche Divorce

CHERYL Cole last night unveiled plans for a lavish and vulgar divorce involving lots of matching suits and a really big smoked salmon.

Heartbroken Cheryl Wears Mini-Kiev On Wedding Finger

CHERYL Cole jetted off to Los Angeles last night, but sent wayward husband Ashley a poignant message by swapping her wedding ring for a mini chicken kiev.

Men Reveal Pain At Cheryl's Lack Of Promiscuity

CHERYL Cole's refusal to indulge in graphic sexual misdemeanours is causing 'deep and lasting pain' to Britain's men, it emerged yesterday.

Missus In Right Old Tiz Over Bit Of Fun With Dolly Birds

TV presenter Vernon Kaye's missus shouldn't get her knickers in a twist over a bit of saucy fun, Seventies experts said last night.