Celebrity

SINGER Chris Rea has set off on the drive back to his house for the festive season, it has been confirmed.

THE ridiculously good-looking lingerie models of Victoria’s Secret have confirmed that they were all quiet loners at school.

GRAND Designs host Kevin McCloud has launched a clinical, futuristic Christmas grotto for poncey families.

THE shady figure who sold Myleene Klass a Catford garage for £2 million is refusing to discuss the deal.

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger fans are paying almost a million pounds to have him kill them then make a wry comment.

FATE has apologised for sleeping on the job and allowing Bono to emerge unscathed from an air accident.

A PHOTO of Kim Kardashian extending her buttocks has destroyed the very essence of what it is to be human.

JESUS Christ’s wife Mary Magdalene forced him to get a boring admin job, it has emerged.

PROFESSOR Brian Cox is an extra-terrestrial, it has emerged.

ATTACHING Russell Brand to a big cross would probably sort everything out, it has been claimed.