Celebrity

FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.

PRINCE, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, broke into uncharted mental territory yesterday after instructing his fan websites to remove his photograph.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has sent a special 25th anniversary message to Carol Vorderman's increasingly enormous breasts.

GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.

THE Royal Family is being blackmailed over claims they have been keeping a deformed prince in a cupboard under the stairs.

CELEBRITY heiress Paris Hilton is to display her shaved vagina in a heartfelt 'thank-you' to California's brave firefighters.

THE Ritz Hotel in Paris was being hoovered less than an hour before Princess Diana died, according to dramatic video footage.

FORMER Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten has launched a scathing attack on Discovery Channel presenter John Lydon describing, him as "a washed-out, cynical old bastard who was only ever interested in the money".

THE Queen of Pop has given her backing to Israeli President Shimon Peres, as well as showing him her latest impression of a tree.

THE number of people leaving Britain because of Jamie Oliver's face has risen for the second year in a row.