Environment

AS SUMMER in Britain comes to an end, experts confirmed the four days of consecutive sunshine was a new record.

A MAN has awoken on his sofa with the front and back doors propped open and a formerly frozen bag of sweetcorn on his head.

THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.

BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.

DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.

A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.