Health

Colleague going around sneezing and touching things

AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed.

Woman mostly got pregnant for nine-month detox

A WOMAN has admitted that the main reason she is having a baby is to quit the booze for nine months.

Woman conducts annual ritual of signing up for half-marathon she won't actually do

FOR the third year in a row a woman has paid the entry fee for a half-marathon she will not actually run.

Man going for run at lunchtime like a f**king Marine or something

A MAN is heading off on lunchtime runs as if he is training to join the Royal Marine Commandos even though he works in an office.

Fruit not a snack, say kids

CHILDREN tired of being told to have an apple whenever they are hungry are calling for fruit to no longer be classified as a snack.

Man joins gym to shed personality

A MAN has joined the gym with the aim of shedding as much of his personality as possible.

The Rees-Mogg guide to making your own medicine

ON THURSDAY June 26th 2016 the UK voted, quite rightly, against keeping supply lines open for life-saving medicines, so it’s time to start making your own. Try these...

Woman personally offended that she still gets spots in her 30s

A WOMAN has confirmed that she considers it a personal attack that she still occasionally has spots despite being 34.

Loud sneezers told to get a f*cking grip

LETTING rip with the deafening roar of a shotgun blast impresses absolutely no-one, loud sneezers have been informed.

Woman surprised not to be congratulated on weight gain

A WOMAN who liked all her friends’ weight loss posts on Facebook cannot understand why they have said nothing about her putting on 18 pounds.

Years of therapy unravelled in three-minute conversation with nephew

A WOMAN’S years of positive therapeutic work have been completely undone in one short conversation with her four-year-old nephew.

Kid perfectly fit and well all day has 6,000 ailments at bedtime

A GIRL who felt perfectly well all day long has suddenly developed 6,000 mystery illnesses at bedtime.