Health

Middle-aged gig marred by entire audience needing a piss every five minutes

A GIG largely attended by the over-50s was only slightly marred by the entire audience spending most of it servicing their bladders.

Seven British beaches too polluted to swim at and why they're all voting Reform

MANY stretches of British coastline have water quality so poor swimming is not recommended. Here they are, and here’s why they’re voting far-right.

Acne to Zambian fever: An A-Z of ailments and whether you really need to see a doctor

NHS services are in turmoil due to the strike by resident doctors. So should you put extra pressure on the system by trying to see a medic, or can it wait? Consult our A-Z list.

Two-mile queue to register at NHS brothel

A QUEUE to register at a new NHS brothel in Yorkshire which is accepting new clients stretched for almost two miles.

Total arsehole has excellent mental health

A STUPID, unpleasant man is completely unburdened by anxiety, imposter syndrome or any other mental health issue.

All teachers at primary school always pregnant

EVERY female member of staff at a primary school who has not reached menopause is either pregnant, on maternity leave or about to become pregnant.

Microplastics, and five other middle-class health scares everyone else ignored

THE human body is apparently not as saturated with microplastics as middle-class hysterics claimed and the rest of us ignored. These were also bollocks.

'Have you considered shagging other people?' and other helpful questions for IVF couples

KNOWING what to say to would-be parents going through fertility treatment can be difficult. They’ll appreciate these sensitive, thoughtful questions.

I have cut 22 years off my biological age by doing this, except I haven't

WANT to rewind an incredible 22 years off your biological age with small lifestyle changes? That’s completely impossible, but I have, but I haven’t, by doing this.

I went on Thomas Skinner's mental health walk and I'm lower than I've ever been in my life

BEGIN 2026 with a delightful stroll to and from a pub with the absolute guvnor and a solid group of lads? That’ll sort out my mental health. Bosh, trademark Thomas Skinner!