Health

Announcement of vaccine not the same as being vaccinated, idiots told

IDIOTS have been warned that merely ordering a vaccine does not make them immediately immune to Covid.

Changes of Covid tier to be decided by play-offs

THE health secretary has confirmed that regions will only be able to move to a new coronavirus tier after a series of play-offs.

Have you got Seasonal Affective Disorder or is this the worst winter ever?

GREY days and long nights making you blue? You might be suffering from SAD, or this might just be the worst f**king winter of any of our lives.

How to tell your friend you're leaving their bubble

HAVE you formed a bubble with a friend but now want to switch bubbles to a different, better friend? Break the news gently.

Sir, you have angered Kent

THE county of Kent has informed Boris Johnson that he has aroused its wrath and must therefore relinquish his position.

How to act like a spoilt little shit over the new Covid restrictions

ARE you a grown adult but think scientists are just trying to spoil everyone’s fun for the hell of it? Here’s how to behave like a petulant toddler.

I'm afraid we've got three bubbles in here already, Joseph tells wise men

JOSEPH is not looking forward to telling three wise men from the East that with the shepherds and the angels they already have a three-bubble gathering.

Whole nation dead certain they'll be going into Tier 1

EVERY region of England is convinced that they will be going straight from lockdown into the freedom of Tier 1, it has emerged.

Covid Superspreader of the Year shortlist revealed

THE shortlist for the 2020 Covid Superspreader of the Year awards has been released, with Dominic Cummings the clear favourite to win.

Government launches vaccine advent calendar

A NEW advent calendar released by the government allows Britons to count down until they are eligible to receive the coronavirus vaccine.

Professor Chris Whitty's guide to dating

HELLO. Professor Chris Whitty here. Here is my foolproof advice for pulling the birds, in the form of a slideshow presentation. First slide please.

Adult woman who still gets spots asking what the point of growing up was

A WOMAN is asking herself what the point of becoming an adult was if she still has to put up with disfiguring spots like she did as a teenager.