Health

DOCTORS’ surgeries are hopeful that if they leave patients on hold for long enough they will either make a complete recovery or die.

TROUBLE sleeping? We consulted doctors, psychotherapists, stress experts and your partner to find one simple solution stated in five different ways.

A WOMAN has admitted that hoisting her sagging tights back up is her key workout for the winter months.

Boot camp in the park: What could possibly be more middle-class than taking a communal area for the leisure of all and commandeering it for your personal use?

A MIDDLE aged man still believes his manboobs are just well-developed pectoral muscles.

A MAN has been disappointed to find that ‘self-care’ does not involve much, or in fact any, masturbation.

A WOMAN was forced to abandon her plans to go for a run after discovering her headphones were broken.

A MAN is convinced his newfound commitment to drinking lots of water is genuinely interesting to other people.

A SURVEY of British sexual attitudes suggests that the best age to lose your virginity is within 18 months of lying about it to all your mates.

GYMS are generously waiving the £125 joining fee they usually charge for absolutely nothing, they have confirmed.