Health

THE leading causes of death in the UK are paying for hospital parking spaces and paying fines for hospital parking spaces.

A COUPLE will stop at nothing to prove to each other that they have had the more exhausting day.

A MAN is refusing to exercise because it might increase his sexual magnetism to a level that is hazardous for others.

A WOMAN who has completed a first aid course is now able to make other people feel pathetic for being useless in an emergency.

A MILLENNIAL genuinely believes her generation suffers unique pressures causing them to burn out at an early age, she has revealed.

A MAN'S fitness-tracking wristwatch has become the absolute bane of his life, he has admitted.

EXERCISE is hell, but a growing body of medical opinion links not exercising with getting so fat you die.

A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that he has been going through his midlife crisis since around 1999.

AN utter dickhead has achieved the rare feat of being badly sunburnt in Britain in February.

A CHILD whose parents are against vaccinations has been getting together with his friends at night and doing measles shots.