Health

A WOMAN has given up her bid to look good on a one-week holiday in favour of a summer full of drink and bacon, it has emerged.

BREAKFAST is the least important meal of the day, it has been confirmed.

THE makers of Corsodyl mouthwash have defended a new advert in which a woman’s teeth come to life and murder her.

WHEN British people celebrate things they usually end up in hospital, it has been confirmed.

EATING avocados is only possible by visualising a delicious sausage, it has been claimed.

A WOMAN’S persistent headaches are caused by her job, commute, family life, relationship with her partner and hobbies, she has found.

THE health secretary has urged Britain to climb ladders, operate power tools and cross roads without looking for the next two days.

BRITONS are to ignore the ongoing health crisis and the recommendation to only eat Dolmio once a week and chug six jars tonight, like every Friday.

DOCTORS have clarified that if there was ‘one weird trick’ to weight loss they would not hate it and would definitely tell you.

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.