Health

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.

BRITAIN’S girlfriends are demanding that their partners get more spots and then allow them to squeeze them.

SCIENTISTS who discovered that being unhappy could be healthy have admitted that people from Yorkshire should live for ever.

ALL doctors smoke fags, it has been confirmed.

TRENDY barefoot running is the perfect combination of misery, showing off and pain, according to exercise fanatics.

DOWNLOADING an exercise app is not the same as actually doing exercise, it has been confirmed.

MARS bars have been recalled across Europe following the discovery they help consumers to do nothing except become fatter.

THE UK has admitted that it finds curved croissants too sexually ambiguous to eat.  

THOSE incredibly sickly drinks you like have sugar in them, it has emerged.

A NON-DRINKER’S most enjoyable sensory experience is a bowl of light brown soup, he has revealed.