Health

ANYONE feeling ill during the doctors’ strike has been advised to just look it up on a computer.

SINGLE people prefer to avoid kale and other bullshit vegetables, according to a new study.

A FATHER who used to take loads of Ecstasy has warned his teenage son of the perils of drugs.

MOST people who go to hospitals do so purely for fun, it has been claimed.

A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged.

A FORMER heroin addict has revealed that he is tired of people asking him what the drug feels like.

A CHILD has been told the only cure for her hamster's illness is to surgically remove it and replace it with a healthy one.

CIGARETTES only damage your health if you paid for them, it has been confirmed.

SOMEONE on Facebook has been for a big run while you were lying in bed, it has been confirmed.

A HANGOVER which began early on Saturday morning is showing no signs of going anywhere late into Sunday.