Lifestyle

How are you not living up to your parents' expectations?

ARE you a bitter disappointment to your parents despite being showered with love and money throughout your childhood? Read our guide and find out.

'Going somewhere?' voted last thing hostages want to hear after finally chewing through ropes

'GOING somewhere?' has been voted the last thing a hostage wants to hear after they have finally managed to chew through the rope that has held them captive for eight weeks.

'Why are you drinking at home?' say overpriced pubs full of twats

BRITAIN’S pubs have criticised the public for drinking cheap supermarket booze when they could be supporting their hellish local hostelry.

Woman on payday acting like eccentric heiress

A WOMAN who has just been paid  is acting like an eccentric heiress from the 1920s, it has emerged.

Woman admits sex was never as exciting as her new Dyson

A WOMAN who spent over £300 on a new vacuum cleaner does not mind admitting that using it is more satisfying than any sex she has ever had in her life.

Plans great until you have to actually f**king do them

MAKING plans with friends is excellent until you have to leave the house and do the sodding thing, it has emerged.

Man decides 10-pin bowling is 'just a laugh' after discovering he's shit at it

A MAN going 10-pin bowling suddenly began larking around after his first two bowls were hopelessly inaccurate, friends noticed.

Bar owner cannot believe people will pay ten quid for a 'mocktail'

BAR owners cannot believe they are getting away with charging £10 for a ‘mocktail’.

Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment

A MAN has initiated yet another ill-fated experiment with his facial hair while his girlfriend is away.

Single man considering third item of furniture

A SINGLE man is considering getting a third piece of furniture to go with his television and armchair.