Lifestyle

People who say 'there's no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing' wrong

EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.

Woman plans agreeable weekend reading lovely big book about shagging

A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.

Young London couple build dream home out of avocado

A COUPLE have finally acquired their dream home by hollowing out an avocado and living inside it.

If it doesn’t make you piss in a wardrobe, is it really alcohol? asks Britain

BRITISH drinkers have confirmed that any alcoholic drink that does not make you vomit, start a fight or urinate in or on furniture is just fizzy pop.

Man adopts weird accent after doing ancestry DNA test

A MAN who completed a DNA test has turned up at work with a bizarre accent.

Cafe owner would prefer invasion of bikers than middle-class mums

THE chaos and disruption of an invasion of middle-class mums and their spoilt children makes a Hell’s Angels rampage look like nothing, a cafe owner has claimed.

Woman thinks she has automatic right to see anyone’s new kitchen

A WOMAN believes she has the God-given right to see any new kitchen that has been installed even if she barely knows the householders in question.

Colleague with no children who took three holidays last year thinks he’s close to burnout

A SINGLE man with no responsibilities and lots of disposable income believes he is more stressed than everyone else in his office.

You will end up in the bin, cheese tells newly arrived vegetables

A BLOCK of cheddar has told the fresh ingredients for a healthy meal they will be ignored for two weeks before going in the bin.

Grandmother doing whatever the f**k she wants 


A GRANDMOTHER has confirmed that she has reached an age where socially accepted standards of behaviour no longer apply to her.