Relationships

A FATHER has light-heartedly told his family that the whole fucking lot of them can fuck off only for it to be taken the wrong way.

A MAN can only become emotionally intelligent while listening to Bruce Springsteen songs, his partner has discovered.

A MOTHER-OF-THREE has admitted that her favourite child is the one with the highest per annum income.

A WOMAN has realised that she would never have felt the need to get married if smartphones had been invented.

LYING to children is encouraged in some circumstances, like the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, but less so in others, like chewing gum being fatal or Candyman. Which are which?

A COUPLE marrying overseas are doing it so their wedding is too much of an expensive pain in the arse to actually go to, they have confirmed.

A GIFTED six-year-old is already panic-buying a card and chocolates for his mother at a 24-hour garage, his proud father has confirmed.

ARE you too cool to be a godparent, so are insisting on a special name for your role as an allegedly wise figure in some hapless child’s life?

A MAN is in a state of confusion after loading the dishwasher only for his wife to take everything out and put it back in again.

A WOMAN who tuned out her friend’s whinges about her love life five minutes ago is having a stab in the dark at some sage advice.