Woman opts for celibacy rather than tidying her room

A WOMAN has decided never to have sex again rather than endure the horror of tidying her bedroom.

Boyfriend thinking of doing stand-up comedy instantly 85% less attractive

THE girlfriend of a man who believes he is funny enough to be a stand-up comedian is considering terminating the relationship immediately.

Best man's speech makes everyone realise groom is genuinely awful person

A BEST man speech has succeeded in turning everyone the groom has ever cared about against him.

2000AD reader ruins date by saying woman looks 'zarjaz'

A MAN has ruined his chance to form a romantic relationship by using an invented slang word to describe his date.

Woman who wants some 'me time' admits she means wanking

A WOMAN who told her boyfriend that she wants some time to ‘recharge her batteries’ has admitted that she just wants to have a wank in peace.

Couple has incredibly boring story about how they met

A COUPLE wrongly believe the mildly complicated way in which they met is an utterly compelling tale.

Woman yet to be told it's weird to be friends with exes

A WOMAN who has stayed in touch with all her ex-boyfriends does not realise it is unnecessary and odd behaviour.

Girlfriend flees scene after doing unflushable poo

A WOMAN has fled her new boyfriend’s house after doing an unflushable poo in his toilet.

Man sorts out one thing

A MAN has sorted out one thing and now wants an award for it.

Mum treating son's girlfriend like daughter she never wanted

A GIRL holidaying with her boyfriend’s family for the first time is being treated like the daughter his mother never wanted to have.