Relationships

Totally unreasonable girlfriend always wanting to do things

A MAN’S domineering girlfriend is always making him do some pointless thing like going to a local festival or trying a new balti place, it has emerged.

Man who says he’s not ‘into relationships’ not being offered any

A MAN who is constantly telling people that he ‘doesn’t do relationships’ has not actually been offered one in years, it has been revealed.

Couple prepare for grudging parody of romance

A HAPPY couple will celebrate their 10th Valentine’s Day by doing just about enough to make it to next year.

Petrol stations confirm they have plenty of horrible flowers

PETROL stations have stocked up on cheap, manky flowers in time for Valentine's Day.

Student suddenly realises all his housemates are dicks

A FIRST-YEAR student has suddenly realised, mid-term, that everyone he lives with is a total and utter dick.

Man doesn’t realise first date was secret panel interview

A MAN does not realise that everything he said on a first date was vetted via text message by a select panel of his date’s friends.

It's too late to plan a romantic Valentine's Day so you've fucked up, say experts

IF you have not yet planned Valentine’s Day for your loved one, you have already fucked up and they will know it, experts have confirmed.

Couple sure insanely expensive wedding will make them fancy each other

A COUPLE in the final stages of planning a wedding believe it will finally make them attracted to each other.

Man who thinks girlfriend should make an effort wearing same t-shirt since he was 14

A MAN who thinks his girlfriend should try a bit harder with her appearance has been wearing the same dreadful T-shirt since he was a teenager.

Twenty-something couple decide to f**k everything up by getting a puppy

A COUPLE have decided to ruin their home, the best years of their youth and ultimately their relationship by getting a dog.