Relationships

THE nation’s ex-boyfriends have texted offering a token gift and perfunctory, fumbled sex as a marvellous Christmas treat.

A COUPLE are conducting a petty argument by tagging each other in Facebook posts.

A MAN who moans that his girlfriend’s handbag is ridiculously large still asks her if he can put several items in it every time they go out.

A MAN cannot wait for his wife to update him on the latest gripping events in the ongoing saga of what’s happened in her office.

A WIFE who is very bored of hearing the same anecdote yet again is lying in wait to ruin it at just the right moment.

DO your friends already hate you because of how sickeningly loved-up you are? Taking up one of these awful couples' hobbies will really ratchet up the nausea.

A WOMAN only ever romantically involved with utter dickheads believes, based on her own experience, that all men are utter dickheads.

IF you wake up knackered and irritable most mornings it’s possible your partner is an annoying bastard to sleep with. Take our test and find out.

A MAN whose girlfriend suggested they do not buy each other presents this Christmas to save money has no idea he still has to get her something.

WOMAN have confirmed that they just bloody love a photo of a man holding a fish.