Society

A PENSIONER who worked all his life like most people in the UK somehow believes it entitles him to getting everything for free.

A MIDDLE class child is on the lookout for a second treehouse in order to make a killing on the property market.

HAVE you done very little revision and are worried you’ll fail your GCSEs? Don’t worry - teenager Tom Booker is on hand to explain why exams are bullshit.

A MAN who never shuts up about being a Northerner avoids meeting anyone else from the region, colleagues have noticed.

THE easiest way of dealing with things that you do not understand, like climate change or macroeconomics, is simply not to believe they are real.

A WOMAN shopping for a new top is unable to find one that has not been ruined by an unnecessary details like a fake pockets or odd words.

A SPIRITUAL journey has revealed to a man his totem animal is a lazy sloth that drinks five nights a week and masturbates very frequently.

A SECONDARY school class has tearfully confessed they will never forget Mr Logan, the shit teacher who let them do whatever they wanted.

EXPECTANT mothers who will now have to name their children Archie or Harrison are wishing Meghan had chosen something more normal.

A TRIP to ‘meet’ a friend’s baby actually involved just staring at it, it has emerged.