Society

PUTTING guests up on an inflatable mattress has been proven the most effective way of ensuring nobody stays overnight.

A MAN has been shocked by the realisation that he has two children and a mortgage.

A WOMAN who keeps a framed picture that says ‘Live Laugh Love’ on her office desk confusingly appears to be a right cow.

MONKS have asked why God needs them to make lots of quite strong beer.

A MAN’S elaborate sexual fantasy has become too elaborate to be manageable, he has admitted.

DO you mean what you say on Twitter or are you just writing attention-seeking bollocks in a pathetic attempt to get people to notice you? Here’s how to tell.

THE parenting website Mumsnet has revealed that it is actually a front for the shadowy cabal that controls the world.

ARE you that person who takes pride in saying things that make people uncomfortable or upset? Here are some excellent inappropriate ice-breakers.

WHY stop at politicians and Brexit? Betrayal is everywhere, everyone is a backstabber, and your only hope is to be hysterical about it. Here’s how to be double-crossed by everything.

THE youngest sibling in a family has an 85 per cent chance of being the most annoying dick in that family, studies have shown.