Society

THE ‘deep divisions in society’ caused by Brexit are actually just various twats moaning on about stuff, experts now believe.

GRANDPARENTS looking after their grandchildren over half-term have no idea what attraction they are visiting today and could not care less, they have confirmed.

A COUNCIL representing Britain’s 11-year-olds has convened to ratify which swear words they will be using over the next 12 months.

BREXITERS’ passionate opposition to a second referendum is definitely not because of fear they would lose, they have confirmed.

A HEADBUTT to the face can now only be termed a ‘Glasgow Kiss’ if it is administered within five miles of the city’s centre, according to new rules.

ANYONE described as having a ‘heart of gold’ is always terrifyingly rough, it has emerged.

MIDDLE class men still cannot explain their pathetic urge to try to impress working class men they meet.

STEELWORKERS can make a good living if they retrain as male strippers, the Conservative Party has confirmed.  

A MAN’S views are being ignored by mainstream politicians just because he is a paranoid racist consumed by burning hatred.

THE nation’s uncles have confirmed that if you turn up every three months or so with a big present, the kids think you are great.