Society

CRETINS are remembering the summer of 2012, when David Cameron was prime minister and the UK was two years into austerity, as some kind of Golden Age.

A LONDONER would love to leave London if everywhere he visited outside of London was not equally sh*t, he has admitted.

ARE you going to eat your sad Boots Meal Deal sandwich outside in a pathetic attempt to enjoy the sunshine? Read our guide to pretending it is some kind of picnic.

A COUPLE are obliged to invite people they do not like to their wedding simply because they have previously watched them get married.

INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.

WALKING in the same direction as someone after you have already said goodbye is the most stressful experience you can possibly have, experts have confirmed.

THE worst person you have ever met is once again posting images with inspirational quotes over them on your social media feed.

A HUMAN has been threatened by a small, bright pink balloon.

A GROUP of men playing pool in a pub have agreed that all attractive women present would definitely only consider shagging the winner.

A SOUTHERNER actually thinks his attempt at a Northern accent in some way resembles what a Northerner talks like.