Society

A MAN who uses the expression ‘ad hominem’ whenever anyone disagrees with him has no idea what it means, it has emerged.

A PROUD Northerner is wondering how to tell his family after receiving a DNA test showing that a third of his genetic material is from the Cotswolds.

A FAMILY who moved their sofa outside their house during last weekend’s hot weather appear to be leaving it there indefinitely.

NOBODY is remotely interested in hearing about what song you have stuck in your head, experts have confirmed.

A WOMAN who claims she rarely imposes on others in fact always does, friends and colleagues have confirmed.

ARE you a barber? Do you make haircuts as awkward as possible? Here’s a few things to try.

AN advertisement for a fourth person to share a London flat has sparked controversy by asking d*ckheads not to apply.

IS IT worth putting money aside for retirement, or will you spend your twillight years heading for higher ground to escape the floods and hoping to catch an edible leech?

A MAN who has become too old to go to Glastonbury is watching the highlights on TV and sadly urinating in a bottle that he intends to hurl at the wall.

TODAY’S younger generation and baby boomers are battling to be the bigger pack of cosseted, useless, whiny, awful tw*ts, it has emerged.