Society

HAVE you ever wondered what it would be like if Britain was an undemocratic, fascist state?

DO you want to scare the shit out of kids about to move from cuddly primary school to the cut throat corridors of secondary? Tell them these classic lies.

A STUDENT home for the summer cannot believe there is not an Uber available in the tiny village where his parents live.

A MAN is under the impression that telling women they look better without makeup is a fantastic compliment.

A NORTHERNER who fondly imagines he does not have a noticeable accent could not be more wrong.

ARE you a complete nutcase living in shared accommodation who likes to save the surprise of your mental state until new tenants have moved in? Here’s how.

DID you pass your GCSEs decades ago, but love to whine and shit on teenagers’ success anyway? Try these buzzkillers.

A CHILD with trendy parents who uses their first names instead of 'mum' and 'dad' is having a chilling effect on people.

A WOMAN’S designer leather handbag has gradually evolved into a crap-filled portable dustbin.

AN anonymous whistleblower has revealed that Britain's universities are hotbeds of dweebish behaviour.