Society

FRIENDS of a middle-class mother of two are concerned at her increasingly extreme pro-John Lewis views.

IDIOTS on Facebook are beginning to realise that memories are not only made by happy occasions but painful and humiliating ones.

THE government is keeping cannabis illegal to send a message that you can pick and choose which laws to obey, it has confirmed.

A PAIR of middle class grandparents have confirmed that names like 'granny' and 'grandad' are too boring for people as unique and special as them.

A MAN who supports grammar schools and other forms of competition in life is unaware he would fail spectacularly under those arrangements.

A MAN who claims to love traditional British values cannot explain what they are in any detail.

A MOTHER-OF-TWO incorrectly believes she was a really fun and exciting person before having children.

AN UNEMPLOYED ex-BHS worker has been told by his wife that the batteries for his radio controlled yacht are too expensive.

A MAN is recovering from the realisation that he is no better even if he tries really hard.

AN OFFICE colleague is ready to go and get hammered at literally a second’s notice, his co-workers have confirmed.