Society

EVERYBODY in the UK would like to know precisely what the actual fuck, it has been confirmed.

THE number of old ladies being helped to cross British streets has plummeted since Friday.

SOMEONE has briefly changed the subject, it has been confirmed.

SUNDERLAND will become a gleaming, futuristic utopia because Britain is leaving the EU.

A RACIST nan who is fuelled entirely by hate has began her slow and unsteady journey to the polling station.

A BEAUTIFUL woman is to continue being annoying because everyone will still be nice to her.

A WOMAN who claims she didn’t even notice when she skipped a meal has made sure to tell everyone about it.

NOBODY wants something posted on their Facebook timeline that could have been put in a message, it has been confirmed.

A CAT owner believes her pet discriminates between different flavours of meat chunks.

A MAN has called in sick today so he can properly enjoy the mountain of roast lamb and vegetables in his fridge.