Society

THERE is a high probability that the decadent western lifestyle will be maintained, it has emerged.

A HIPSTER riding an old bicycle through London has been judged the coolest motherf**ker in history.

A MAN is taking legal action after colleagues failed to reassure him when he joked about everything being in black and white when he was young.

A LOCAL hard person with a moustache has aggressively confirmed that he has never heard of Movember.

A MAN decided not to tip a waiter purely because he looks like Blur bassist Alex James, it has emerged.

A WOMAN has created a slick home office in which her plans to become self-employed are likely to fail.

MARKETING executives at a snack foods company have decided that today’s two-minute silence does not apply to them.

A MAN knows a great deal about coffee but nothing about anything else, it has emerged.

A LOCAL knobhead is annoying everyone where he lives by continuing to set off fireworks.

A REUSABLE shopping bag hanging on the back of a cupboard is a grim reminder of its owner’s inevitable death.