Society

A MAN is toying with the idea of going to bed at half past two this afternoon.

YET another unpleasant chocolate from a £2 advent calendar has been ritually chewed and swallowed.

WORKERS have been told not to disclose their Secret Santa identity on pain of death.

A PECKHAM-BASED man has realised that the social transformation of the area is exemplified by him.

THE ELF on the shelf, who watches children to ensure they are being good for Santa, is also reporting what their parents get up to.

BRITONS are preparing for air strikes in Syria with a short, non-committal discussion at work.

A MAN who gave an insulting weight-based card to a tough coach driver is currently pinned against a wall.

IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own f**king house.

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.