Society

WOMEN both with and without make-up have confirmed that any man who tells them not to wear it can piss off.

AREAS of London are effectively no-go zones unless you know about specialist coffee, it has emerged.

BRITONS are coldly assessing the value of friends and relatives to decide what quality of Christmas card they should receive, it has emerged.

THE UK now has 36,402,339 different social classes, all of which can be detected and categorised in a face-to-face meeting in less than a minute.

A MAN has argued that his grey jumper counts as a Christmas jumper because that is what Christmas feels like.

A MAN who prides himself on being able to detect ‘bullshit’ believes some incredibly stupid things.

A FAMILY was stupidly optimistic about being able to keep themselves entertained without electricity, it has emerged.

LONDON residents have told extremists that they have far more pressing things to worry about.

PEOPLE with a low alcohol tolerance have outlined the ways in which they plan to humiliate themselves over Christmas.

A MAN is toying with the idea of going to bed at half past two this afternoon.