Society

PEOPLE should be in a state of lockdown inside their homes before children armed with fireworks start roaming the streets, officials have warned.

A GRANDFATHER has turned off his television as soon as a sex scene began.

SOUTHERN friends of a man from the North  suspect he is lying about how gritty yet welcoming the region is, they have revealed.

RAIL delays this Christmas could prevent tiresome family members from coming to your house, it has emerged.

A TEENAGE pop fan is having her first experience of overreacting to something in order to get attention.

A PUMPKIN is wondering why he has been left in the back garden when just 24 hours ago he was really popular.

A MAN who drives everywhere with his headlights on full beam believes he is making the road safe for everyone.

PURE contentment can be attained by paying no attention to anything around you, experts have confirmed.

A GROUP of lorry drivers amazed motorists with a formation display that lasted a full 14 junctions.

A MAN has revealed his Halloween party costume is entitled 'capitalism'.