Society

ACADEMICALLY exceptional people are lying about their inability to do everyday domestic tasks, it has emerged.

THE sun is shining, which means that you can only look in enviously at the comforts of your home while you chew meat in the garden.

DOLPHINS are vicious, brutal thugs spoiling for a fight with humanity, it has emerged.

COMPLETE nobody Roy Hobbs is demanding tough action be taken against Greece.

ATTRACTIVE people thoroughly enjoy not having to be funny or interesting, they have revealed.

THE controversial 'beach body' poster is no more tawdry, exploitative and depressing than the rest of advertising, it has been confirmed.

THE Guardian has created a French dictionary that contains only feminine words.

NO-ONE wants to be the first to remove the Pride rainbow from their Facebook picture, it has emerged.

AN increasing number of office workers who eat their sandwiches in the park are not returning to work or society.

ALL other canned drinks regard San Pellegrino as a smug prick with a stupid foil hat, it has emerged.