Society

A 28-YEAR-OLD woman routinely takes an extravagant amount of tobacco when friends offer her a roll up.

A TOTAL bastard had kind and decent ancestors, genealogists have discovered.

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

RETAIL worker Stephen Malley has no desire to do a job other than the one he is already doing.

LONDONERS complaining that the Tube strike is frustrating have been reminded that is the point.

A VILE, grasping couple have done post-budget calculations to work out exactly how much more money they will get.

THE government is to decide where the North begins by putting a Kent man on the train to Leeds and measuring his disdain.

MORTALS will be judged on whether they choose to jump the queue for the M25, God has confirmed.

TOWN centre busker Tom Booker has abandoned one of his own songs halfway through.