Society

A COUPLE who have been married for 60 years say the secret of their success is to have no contact with each other whatsoever.

THE newly-completed Crossrail tunnel across London already carries a whiff of urine.

YOUNG children are the most fascist group in Britain, with pensioners a distant second, it has emerged.

COUPLES are pledging their devotion to each other by placing double up-and-over garage doors at romantic bridges.

A COUPLE with a new baby are trying too hard to convince their friends and themselves of how awesome it is.

GOING for a long, relaxing hot bath will do nothing whatsoever about any of your problems, Britain has been told.

A 29-YEAR-OLD man has been left unable to do anything because he fears any activity could be deemed ‘hipsterish’.

CHILD benefit will only be given to families whose children resemble the 1950s youngsters in Ladybird books.

THE police have denied that the illegality of legal highs is in any way confusing.

A HUMAN has thought of something and kept it to himself, it has been claimed.