Society

OWNING a large muscular dog does not make you a well-respected community figure, it has been confirmed.

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

RETAIL worker Stephen Malley has no desire to do a job other than the one he is already doing.

LONDONERS complaining that the Tube strike is frustrating have been reminded that is the point.

A VILE, grasping couple have done post-budget calculations to work out exactly how much more money they will get.

THE government is to decide where the North begins by putting a Kent man on the train to Leeds and measuring his disdain.

MORTALS will be judged on whether they choose to jump the queue for the M25, God has confirmed.

TOWN centre busker Tom Booker has abandoned one of his own songs halfway through.

ACADEMICALLY exceptional people are lying about their inability to do everyday domestic tasks, it has emerged.

THE sun is shining, which means that you can only look in enviously at the comforts of your home while you chew meat in the garden.