Society

GOING for a long, relaxing hot bath will do nothing whatsoever about any of your problems, Britain has been told.

A 29-YEAR-OLD man has been left unable to do anything because he fears any activity could be deemed ‘hipsterish’.

CHILD benefit will only be given to families whose children resemble the 1950s youngsters in Ladybird books.

THE police have denied that the illegality of legal highs is in any way confusing.

A HUMAN has thought of something and kept it to himself, it has been claimed.

38-year-old Norman Steele has been targeted by patronising supportive remarks for being a larger dancer.

A COMMON-LOOKING couple in a fancy restaurant were only there because of an internet voucher, according to fellow diners.

BLANKETS with arms have no place in a civilised world, it has been claimed.

PARENTS have praised Mexican demon Charlie for giving children something to do during the half term break.

LABRADOR Tom Booker wants to bite everyone at O2 after his mobile phone stopped working yesterday.