Society

YOU went to a comprehensive, lived in a terraced house and did factory jobs, but you’ve changed. Here’s how to accept that you’re middle-class now.

A WOMAN who spends a fortune on rent is practising her dismayed face for conversations with homeowner friends, it has emerged.

THE Bank of England is hoping that raising interest rates again will work even though it has failed to make a difference the previous 12 times.

FASHION is a continuous cycle where certain clothes come back into style even if they're hideous. These unforgivable items must never make a comeback, but probably will.

ANYONE who bought a house they could not afford on the basis that interest rates would be 0.1 per cent forever is in deep shit, banks have confirmed.

TEACHERS ruthlessly forced children of the 70s and 80s into traditional cisgender roles. Here is some of their systematic gender oppression that will shock today’s young people.

HAVE you purchased an avocado you thought would be perfect but is hard as a diamond when you open the packet? You’ve probably fallen for these other supermarket lies too.

A MAN is unable to tell if he is enjoying a pint in his favourite boozer or a rowdy nursery for parents and their newborn children.

A FOOTBALL being boisterously kicked around a crowded park is causing everyone to flinch in terror, it has emerged.

YOUR local pub has announced it is holding a weekend-long Festival of Twats in its extensive beer garden.