Society

PAYING to get on a budget flight slightly before others is the weakest possible attempt to show off, it has been confirmed.

MIDDLE class families have gathered around a tabloid newspaper that was put through their letter box without permission.

BRITAIN is studiously ignoring the term ‘spornosexual’ in the hope that it won’t become a real thing.

CHILDREN are celebrating Father’s Day with gifts that admit their dads are deeply flawed people who are trying their best.

DAVID Cameron has tasked investigators to look into increased sightings of unemployed people.

ALL words relating to curves have been reclassified to exclusively refer to women's breasts.

MEN who define themselves with fast cars have pledged to become the first of their ilk to get a £10,000 speeding fine.

SUMMER favourite Pimm’s has once again been named as best alcoholic drink with chunks of vegetable in it.

BRITAIN’S schools are to focus on the key subjects of values, awareness and cultural identity.

MOST speeches at christenings, graduation ceremonies and conferences now end with the speaker inviting any haters to fuck themselves.