Society

A £60 fixed penalty will be introduced for anyone texting while under the influence of alcohol.

LONDON’S homeless are to be dealt with using birds of prey.

THE Birmingham schools accused of teaching Islamic extremism had To Kill a Mockingbird on their syllabus, OFSTED has revealed.

THE British judicial system has seen unprecedented demand for tickets for the upcoming secret trial of two unnamed terrorists.

THE veterans of D-Day have marked the 70th anniversary by thanking Britain for becoming shallow and worthless.

ATTRACTIVE people who only hang out with other good-looking individuals are dicks, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons are taking pills at work to commemorate the life of 'godfather of ecstasy' Alexander Shulgin.

SKIVING desk workers can no longer recall how they got through the day before they had websites to look at.

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.