Society

METROPOLITAN police plan to use lager cannons on dangerously sober rioters.

MILLIONS of Britons who dreamed of a coastal cottage would now prefer something several hundred miles inland.

THE twisted troglodytes who inhabit London have been forced to expose themselves to daylight.

Official guidelines for safely handling encounters with white BMWs, Mercedes and Audis have been published by the Department of Transport.

IT is not possible to be cool and a parent, experts have warned.

THE Lloyds horse has stepped down after losing confidence in the bank.

A PROVINCIAL businessman acting school is grooming the next generation of training video and local cinema advert stars.  

THE government is being encouraged to use speed cameras as a revenue stream, because that would be better than paying tax.

BRITAIN'S gyms have again become places of calm and spirituality, undisturbed by the general public.

ELECTRICAL goods specialist Maplin is a front for cottaging, it has emerged.