Society

YOUR regular Christmas card from a couple you've never met has arrived.

SURVIVORS of the London fog have revealed that 'some bad, freaky shit is happening in there'.

THE destruction of a Lenin statue in the Ukraine has been condemned by hipsters who wanted it for their roof garden.

THE Guardian newspaper has launched its annual appeal to make you feel dreadful about Christmas.

BRITAIN'S bosses have confirmed plans to let their hands 'accidentally' fall onto buttocks at the office Christmas party.

YOUNG people have announced plans to lower the pension age by several decades once they are in charge.

THE abolition of tax discs has left drivers without physical evidence of paying something that cyclists don't.

MILLIONS of consumers are regretting their actions on the brokest day of the year.

A PRE-CHRISTMAS rush on crystal meth has left dealers unable to cope with demand.

GEORGE Osborne has announced that the carrot you want will remain tantalisingly beyond your grasp for a little longer.