Society

OFFICE worker Tom Booker reckons he's real hot shit after potentially making £350 on Royal Mail shares.

THE majority of the UK's mothers are writing a novel about sado-masochistic sex, it has emerged.

THE UK is to be adapted to cater to its increasing number of non-literate citizens, the government has announced.

THE legal driving age is to be restricted to the 20 years of your life when you are least likely to drive like an idiot bastard.

WEALTHY idiot Tom Logan has spent over £54,000 in a dreadful bar, in a vain effort to make others like him.

BRITONS are worried that the head of MI5 seems really paranoid about terrorism.

POP star Miley Cyrus is either having a total meltdown or conforming to modern social norms, according to experts.

CRYPTANALYSTS at Britain's spy HQ are devoting most of their resources to cracking personalised number plates.

ELDERLY people cannot say chorizo without inserting a 't' sound, it has emerged.

THE act of shedding tears has been made emotionally meaningless by The X Factor.