Society

IT'S really not worrying that porn websites have information about users' whereabouts and habits, according to everyone.

NEWSPAPERS are hoping to increase readership by placing a randomly selected number at the start of each headline.

HIGH-STAKES gambling machines are the nearest poor people can get to the thrill of the stock exchange, according to bookmakers.

GRANDCHILDREN have confirmed that kissing elderly relatives is like putting your mouth against a crypt.

BRITAIN'S libraries have been unaffected by the January rush for self-improvement, say librarians.

THE government's chief marksman Elmer Fudd has denied that the badger cull was essentially farcical.

MILLIONS of Britons have begun the new year by vowing to drink only in secret.

PEOPLE who have never had sex are the most likely to request aftershave or cologne as Christmas presents.

THE government is to make all towns more like the capital, with an increase in hostility and chicken shops.

WOMEN have called for an end to advertisements that show party preparation as a fun female bonding activity.